When I was younger, I used to wet the bed.
It wasn’t for the popularly believed reason that I was too lazy or too scared to get up and go to the bathroom.
I would literally wake up wet.
Too late to do anything about it.
My parents’ solution?
Every morning, I got a beating.
And then there was the embarrassment and ridicule. Because my mother would tell everyone that would listen that I wet the bed.
As an adult…having earned three degrees in Psychology, I can now identify probable causes of my wetting the bed.
Perhaps it was the fact that I had to watch my father beat the hell out of my mother on a regular basis.
Or maybe the fact that I had far too many run ins with substance abuse from a young age.
OR…maybe it was the fact that I was being molested and wasn’t protected even after I told the dirty secret.
There was absolutely no rationale. No investigation.
Everyone was comfortable believing that I just consciously wet the bed regardless of the consequences.
I cannot fathom how….as an adult…I would believe that a kid would just opt to get fucked up every morning if they could help it.
Why would a kid voluntarily do something that would have such a traumatizing result?
Physical, emotional, and mental pain? On purpose?
I remember waking up in a panic.
So scared. Because I knew what was coming.
There would be no chance for me to explain.
No one would listen.
They wouldn’t even ask.
Everybody was so disgusted by me.
And they had no qualms about showing me.
My parents would make fun of me.
It was bad.
Nobody tried to help me. I never saw a doctor to try to find out what was wrong.
The assumption was that I was doing it on purpose.
I carry a lot of anger and resentment. Still. Today. Right now. Behind that situation.
The topic still brings fresh tears.
I was defenseless. How could I protect myself? Against adults? My caregivers?
What could I do?
It’s part of the reason that I don’t condone spanking now.
It’s not fair.
Whatever we as adults believe, we act on. And because we’re the adults, our opinions are valued more that those of children.
Even if we’re wrong, who’s going to correct us? The child?
A kid has no choice but to take whatever punishment the adult wants to dish out.
I hate that.
Fast-forward to 2021.
I’m in the car last night talking to JO.
She had just gotten home from a night out and Babies had fallen asleep in her bed.
All of a sudden I hear her striking Babies and Babies crying.
JO goes on this rant about how she’s going to spank Babies every time she wets the bed.
I asked her how she’s so sure that Babies is awake when she wets the bed.
She responds by talking about the smell.
I asked if there was a difference in the smell if the person was awake or asleep during urination.
She stated that there wasn’t and that it was the “same shit”.
I asked again how she could be so sure that Babies was awake when she wet the bed.
She started talking about how she had to do the same thing for D1 and D2 and that she was able to rectify the problem in a week.
I reminded her that I lived this same situation when I was younger.
That I would wake up and already be saturated in my own urine. I had to ability to stop it as I was asleep.
I asked her what logical reason a child would have to choose to be physically hurt instead of doing whatever needed to be done to avoid that outcome.
She kept referencing what she did with D1 and D2.
I told her that I still carry a lot of anger towards my parents for this same situation.
“Well she bout to be one angry ass.”
What do I do with someone like that?
Babies isn’t my biological child.
This isn’t a situation where I can pack her up and just leave.
How am I expected to live with someone like this?
To maintain a relationship?
With someone that refuses to see the error in her ways.
Not just in this situation, but across the board.
We don’t agree on EXTREMELY important things.
Raising children for one.
Her children fear her.
She misinterprets fear for respect.
If a child is truly respectful, they would maintain that respect no matter what situations they are placed in.
That’s not the case with her children.
They know that if they act out with JO, she will cause physical pain.
With everyone else though? They act OUT.
It’s part of the reason that she basically had to run out of the house leaving D2 with me (after I told her that I couldn’t handle that responsibility) when she went to the academy.
No one else in her family wanted to be bothered with him.
But do I just stand idly by and watch her cause the same trauma for Babies that I had to endure?
How am I supposed to be the change that I wish to see in the world….or be the adult that I needed when I was a child…when I have no say so whatsoever in how someone else raises their children?
Reason 1,175,362 why JO and I don’t live together.